June 25th, 2017 … 1:07 am…. and I’m up thinking. It’s actually my bday… but I’m at home spending some much needed alone time…. drowning in my thoughts… mostly about my desire to want to DO something for my people… for my culture… for myself… and for my family. It could be that 31 literally snuck up on me… so I’m feeling this urge to come out of hiding and do all the things my heart desires… and be the powerful source of light that I know I am. Since I was a little girl I always said to myself that I was going to change the world. Back then I definitely didn’t know how or when it was gonna happen… or even how I was gonna do it… but I do now, and I have known for quite some time although I have been tiptoeing around it.
I feel like I don’t have time to keep tiptoeing though. The more these series of terrible events happen, the more the music being forced down our throats ruins the minds of the youth, and lowers the vibrations of all of us as a whole, the further we get led down the road of materialistic bullshit, drugs, & promiscuity … the more I want to cry.
The crazy thing is…. I do feel like I’m walking in my purpose and building something that will be a counter to all these wrongs… but the older I get the more I start feeling like I’m not doing enough…or I’m not moving fast enough. When I think about the history of my ancestors, & the genocide of African American people that has been systematically woven into American culture my heart weeps. Philando is just one of millions, and after watching the 2nd video, & after hearing about the verdict, I caught myself feeling hopeless for a second. I so desperately want to bring some healing to my people some how, some way, so I’m trying my best to stay encouraged in spite of what has happened to us and what is continuously happening to us. The shit is traumatizing. I think witnessing all of these murders via social media and the news is literally the equivalent of our ancestors watching each other being hung from trees. How can our spirits not be broken from this? What are we supposed to do?? How do we fight back?? How do we cope with the trauma?? How do we heal??
Right now is Los Angeles on my 31st bday that is all that I can think about. It’s late Sat night/Sun morning… The Bet Awards is this weekend… everyone is out partying… and I’m in my living room trying to figure out what I can do to really make a difference in this world… especially for black people and black culture. Right now… all I know to do is to try to reach people through music, art, the essence of community, and creativity. I have found that through my most troubling of times a little spark of inspiration… from a person, a place, a song, or a fulfilling experience, has always been able to pull me out of my slump. Because of that I just want to share with whoever is listening some of the things that inspire me.
I already wrote about my friend Chris Jame’s Hella Strings Ep… but this time I’m just focusing on one of the songs he has on there titled Philando’s Flowers. It’s a beautiful instrumental that still pulls at your heart strings. It’s open to your own interpretation because there are no words to distract you. All you have to do is just feel.
Rest Easy Philando, and countless others who have been brutally and unjustly murdered by the very people who are supposed to protect us.
My heart is full. My soul is on fire! My thinking cap is on…and I am ready to DO something that will evoke change and spark a SHIFT. The promise I’m making to myself on this 31st Bday of mine is to stand tall and fearlessly walk in my purpose. I am a healer, a visionary, and a revolutionary…. I can no longer be afraid of my power or potential. I know I can impact the world. God has placed a mission and a vision on my heart that I know is divine and THAT is what I want to spend every day for the rest of my life fighting for.